Desire Evolution

Have you ever asked yourself what was God thinking when He was creating you? What was the picture of YOU in His Mind during that time? a.k.a. “what is your purpose in life”?

I am sure everyone does.

This is an excerpt from the book I’m reading now, which inspired me to write this blog.

If you know what something is designed to do, then you know its purpose in life. A retriever loves the water; a lion loves the hunt; a hawk loves to soar. It’s what they’re made for. Desire reveals design, and design reveals destiny.

Yesterday, I found a perfect opportunity to think about this while waiting for an interview in Makati. I took out my pad and pen and started listing down all the desires of my heart since the earliest time I could remember.

(My earliest desires are very important, because these are the purest desires from my heart, without any limitations)

I arranged the desires in chronological order, the most accurate way I could do.

A Teacher. Yes, my very first desire (that I could remember) was to be a teacher. This was during my elementary days. I even made Lesson Plans in my head. Most of the time when I was in bed, waiting to fall asleep, I imagined myself in front of a class, doing the lesson that I previously planned. However, my mother had established to me implicitly that teachers don’t really earn good. So I crossed this out from my options. But then, nothing can stop me from imagining at night. 

Architect. With my Mongol pencil, ruler and bond papers, I did a lot of building designs before. Aside from the entirely new designs, I also redesigned our house and my schools which include the externals and the floor plan! From the smallest detail to the biggest. Recalling those designs, I couldn’t believe I was that amazed and devoted to building designs. I even searched images of buildings from our Encyclopedia before.

Photographer. I also imagined myself being a photographer before. Not the technical photography that I know now. But just the fact of going around and taking pictures, it excited me back then. I even had a poem for it.

Musical play. Neither a straight play nor a musical show in a theatrical setting. I want a Musical Play. My first ever musical play I’ve seen was entitled “Alikabok”. It was not as famous but it ignited this desire in my heart on this kind of shows. Ever since, it was my dream to join one, even as a Taongbayan (or just part of the chorus).

Song writing. During my high school years, I’ve written lots of poems and some songs. These usually happened when there was a burst of emotions, say when I was in love, or I was super depressed. However I was not able to keep them. And right now, I don’t think I can still write.   

Science. Yes, I was best in Science back in High School. I think, what I liked about science was the analysis involved. Even up to now, I love analyzing things within the sphere of my interests. One afternoon, I saw myself scrutinizing our can opener just to understand how it works. Another thing about science was that the analysis made sense to me. I mean, I appreciate every lesson because I could see it in my surroundings. I am a visual person. I need to visualize it in my mind to comprehend it. That is why, I could easily understand mathematical equations in a scientific setting. 

Events Management. During high school, I was involved in some school events. The most memorable one was the Filipino Month Celebration on August during my senior year. My love for events continued in college years. I was able to do a Quiz Bee and our college sports festival. I was very particular up to the smallest details when it comes to events (for other things, no). I want them to be perfect, to the point that I didn’t delegate tasks to committees. I wanted to do everything by myself. But of course now, now that I am working (which by the way, is related to events), it is impossible not to delegate tasks. I also love attending events and watching out for things for improvement and how to improve it. I love redoing the event in my mind (If I will take charge, how will it be?).

Photography. My love for photography continues up to now. Although now, instead of loving the fact of me just taking photographs of everything, my desire has zoomed in capturing emotions. I want to take images of people with genuine emotions on their face. I am not sure if I’m doing it excellently because I still don’t know the technicalities of photography. But I love it.

Teaching. Who would have thought that my desire for teaching is still here in my heart? Yes. I still desire to teach, but now, it is not necessarily a teacher or in an academic setting. I love teaching, whatever, whenever, wherever. I enjoyed our UPCAT Review in one of my college orgs. I felt so satisfied when I worked as a tutor as a sideline. I enjoyed coaching a colleague. I enjoyed leading our Life Group back in Vietnam (I still have no Life Group now). I enjoyed my One2One with Phuc. And imagine the pleasure I got when I was able to talk twice to E-club.

Learning. Aside from teaching, I also want to be taught. According to Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath, I have a strong “Learner” talent. According to this, I am always drawn to the process of learning, but the topic depends on my interests. The process, more than the content or the result, is especially exciting for me. I am energized by the steady and deliberate journey from ignorance to competence. And true enough, I do. I love experiencing and learning new things. For example right now, I want to learn Muai Thai. I don’t really want to fight in a ring, nor use it as a defense mechanism, I actually don’t know why I would like to learn it, but the process of learning it, it makes me craves for it.

Travels and Adventures. I think linked to my desire to learn is this desire to discover. Discovering places. Immersing to different cultures. If I just have the luxury of money and time, I would be visiting places after places. Not like the regular tourists who spend just a week or less visiting the “tourist spots”. I want a deeper immersion of myself to the place, to the people and to the culture. The less “tourist” the experience is, the more I want it. The more exotic, the more I desire for it.    

I’ve notice that some of the desires I got when I was still a kid still persist here in my heart. And for some, a common denominator exists. Hmmm. But that’s for another round of meditation.

It Wasn’t Supposed To Be This Way

They hadn’t been to church for a while so I gave the husband a call.

“Hey Chuck, (not his name) how are you doing? Haven’t seen you guys for a while. Is everything okay?”

After a couple uncomfortable seconds, Chuck said, “we probably won’t be coming back to church.”

“Are you serious? Really? Why? Have I done something to offend you?”

“No. You see, Mark, it wasn’t supposed to be this way. We did everything we were supposed to do. We taught our children the Bible. We took them to church. We told them about Jesus. We prayed for them. And then my son winds up getting a girl pregnant and having to get married. It just wasn’t supposed to be this way.”

I felt really sad for Chuck and his family. And I felt really sad that Chuck had the expectations of God he did and that he’d obeyed God for the reasons he did.

God doesn’t promise us trial-free lives if we obey him.

God doesn’t promise that if we keep his commands he’ll reward us with cruises and country club memberships. Tim Keller, in Prodigal God, talks about how the prodigal son’s elder brother had expectations of his father which tripped him up:

We see that the elder brother “became angry.” All of his words are dripping with resentment. The first sign you have an elder-brother spirit is that when your life doesn’t go as you want, you aren’t just sorrowful but deeply angry and bitter. Elder brothers believe that if they live a good life they should get a good life, that God owes them a smooth road if they try very hard to live up to standards.

Not only does God not owe us easy lives, but he promises we’ll suffer:

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. Psalm 34:19

In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials… 1 Peter 1:6

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.  James 1:2

We should not be amazed that suffer; we should be amazed we don’t suffer more than we do.

It helps me to remember that not only do I deserve any thing bad that happens to me, I deserve far worse – I deserve to burn in hell for eternity for my sins. Of course I’d never tell anyone in their sadness or suffering you deserve to be in hell so buck up, but it helps me keep things in perspective for myself when I’m tempted to complain.

So when is it appropriate to say “It wasn’t supposed to be this way?” Whenever something good happens to us! Whenever we are blessed! It wasn’t supposed to be this way – I sinned and rebelled against God – yet look how he has blessed me!

So don’t obey God thinking he’ll owe you, for God owes no one a thing. Serve him out of gratitude for all he’s done for you and because you love him. Serve him for his glory.

No, it wasn’t supposed to be this way. And aren’t you glad?

***

This is another entry from theblazingcenter.com. 

Yesterday, I felt intense anger and bitterness.To God. Again. 

I got desperate and frustrated. 

God, why did you not give me this job?

God, I fasted and prayed. I did nightly devotions. I even shared your words through my blog. God, why did you not give me this job??! 

And now, again, I feel so stupid.

"...not only do I deserve any thing bad that happens to me, I deserve far worse – I deserve to burn in hell for eternity for my sins..."

Because of this big issue I am facing right now, I forgot Him. I forgot what He did to me. I forgot His unconditional and unfailing love for me. I forgot that He and His love is much much greater than my problems. 

"...don’t obey God thinking he’ll owe you, for God owes no one a thing."

This is exactly what I felt this previous week. I felt that by doing all these "good" thing, God would give me this job. I thought God owed me this one. But no. God does not owe me anything. Instead, I owe Him everything. And that's the reality I always forget during storms in my life. 

***
Dear Father God. Sorry. Sorry that I've sin. Sorry. I became frustrated and desperate. Sorry i thought of myself as deserving of your blessings. Sorry for thinking that You owe me this. Sorry for insisting my plans over Yours. Sorry my God. Lord, I am praying for restoration of my faith and my love to You. 
***

Why I Did NOT Eat at Chick-Fil-A Yesterday

An entry from: www.theblazingcenter.com/

Yesterday millions of conservative Christians went to Chick-Fil-A in support of the company’s stand against gay marriage. Now, if you got a chicken sandwich or three yesterday, this post isn’t to condemn in any way. But, I think it’s really important that we think about how our actions reflect upon the gospel. So think out loud with me.

I didn’t eat at Chick-Fil-A yesterday. Yes, I believe the Bible teaches that marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman. Yes, I believe that homosexuality is a sin. But yesterday’s mass show of support for Chick-Fil-A didn’t bring the gospel of grace and repentance to homosexuals. It simply erected another barrier. It didn’t display the glory of Christ, it simply demonstrated that we don’t like it when someone attacks our faith. It didn’t glorify the life-changing, sin-destroying power of Christ, it simply said, “We won’t stand for this.”

My biggest concern is that we may win the culture war on gay marriage and yet drive homosexuals away from Christ.

Instead of voicing our disapproval of homosexuality by buying chicken sandwiches, what if we followed Jesus’ example instead, and made friends with homosexuals? Hung out with them, ate with them, listened to them, heard their stories, and then shared the life-changing gospel with them? What if we asked them to tell us about their experiences with homosexuality, then showed them how the gospel meets them at every point in their lives? What if we told them about how Jesus has completely changed our lives?

Consider how Jesus led people to repentance. He hung out with the wino’s so much that people called him a drunkard! He asked the Samaritan woman (an “us” vs. “them” situation if there ever was one) at the well for a drink of water. He ate dinner with Zacchaeus. Jesus demonstrated a beautiful boldness and gentleness.

The cause of the gospel will lose if we ban gay marriage and yet at the same time create an “us” vs. “them” battle. Our ultimate goal should be to win homosexuals for Christ, not win a culture war.

If a homosexual comes into my church I want him to feel welcome. If everyone came into the church carrying Chick-Fil-A bags, I think that would create the opposite effect. It would make him feel very unwelcome. Excluded. Hated. Like no one wanted him around.

I don’t believe homosexuality is right, but if we’re going to effectively reach those in the gay community, we’ve got to find better ways to do it. The only people Jesus boycotted were the religious leaders. With everyone else, he entered into their world. Yes, he called them to repentance, and we need to do that. We can’t back down from what the Bible says about homosexuality. But we need to do it with the love, gentleness, and affection of Christ Jesus. Not with snarky Facebook comments and loud demonstrations.

Jesus was called a friend of sinners. I don’t think that buying chicken sandwiches puts us into that category.

The Greatest Adventure Book

Some people think the Bible is a book of rules, telling you what you should and shouldn’t do. The Bible certainly does have some rules in it. They show you how life works best. But the Bible isn’t mainly about you and what you should be doing. It’s about God and what he has done.

 Other people think the Bible is a book of heroes, showing you people you should copy. The Bible does have some heroes in it, but as you’ll soon find out, most of the people in the Bible aren’t heroes at all. They make some big mistakes (sometimes on purpose). They get afraid and run away. At times they are downright mean.

 No, the Bible isn’t a book of rules, or a book of heroes. The Bible is most of all a story. It’s an adventure story about a young Hero who comes from a far country to win back his lost treasure. It’s a love story about a brave Prince who leaves his palace, his throne – everything- to rescue the one he loves. It’s like the most wonderful of fairy tales that has come true in real life.

You see, the best thing about this story is – it’s true. There are lots of stories in the Bible, but all the stories are telling ONE BIG STORY. The story of how God loves His children and comes to rescue them.

It takes the whole Bible to tell this Story. And at the center of the Story, there is a baby. Every story in the Bible whispers His name. He is like the missing piece in a puzzle – the piece that makes all the other pieces fit together and suddenly you can see a beautiful picture.

Excerpts taken from The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name. 
From: http://www.dennissy.com/ 

My Flesh is Weak

These past few days God has lead me to verses on strengthening my spirit during my job-hunting season – seeking (Mathew 6:33) and trusting Him first (Proverbs 3:5-7). And yes it comforted me a lot, taking away most of my worries about my new job.

But last Sunday, He reminded me of something. This verse:

Haggai 1:5-7

Now this is what the Lord Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways. You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it.”

This is what the Lord Almighty says: “Give careful thought to your ways...”

The bible just told tell me the continuation of His advice, which J.C. Ryle put into words in one of his articles – to stop and think, to consider and be wise – to give CAREFUL THOUGHT to my ways.

During this time, Israel was rebuilding God’s temple in Jerusalem. However, as the people neglected God’s business and busied themselves with their own agendas, their confused priorities produce poor results. Similarly, God is telling me to re-examine my ways (or the path I am planning to take), if they produce (or will produce) good results according to His purpose and if I am still considering my own personal (earthly) agenda in prioritizing things for Him. Give CAREFUL THOUGHT to my ways.

God also lead me to this verse:

Mathew 26:41

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Jesus told his disciples in the garden to watch and pray so no one will fall asleep. Take note. Not just pray, but WATCH AND PRAY.

Yes. Praying is good. Seeking His kingdom and righteousness first is fantastic. Unswerving faith and belief is great. No question. But He also expects me, so I will not fall into temptations, to KEEP WATCH – to use my senses, which (by the way) were provided also (by Him) for this purpose.  He wants me to use my own cognition to analyze and determine whether my ways are producing good results according to His will.

Honestly, after I’ve read the verses from Proverbs 3:5-7 and Mathew 6:33, I immediately jumped into the thought of Him doing all the work and making all the decisions for me. The thought of Him just dropping this so-called “perfect job” in front of me is so attractive and all I need to do is just get into it. I made these verses perfect excuses for me to avoid executing a judgement and making a decision. What I fail to realize is that God has already given me the ability through the guidance of the Holy Spirit to make the right decision and to stand by it (believing God leads you to this decision).

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

 God wants me to activate and trust my God-given senses and abilities to do their role arising to a decision which is rooted from Him and in the purpose of fulfilling His will.

God is calling me to strengthen not only my spirit but also my flesh.

***

Thank you Lord for establishing in me the importance of seeking You first and trusting You with all my heart especially in this situation. Thank you also Lord for reminding me that I also need to activate my God-given flesh, that is, to give a careful thought to my ways, whether the decision I will make is glorifying You or myself.  Thank You Lord. I love You.

***

Honor the Lord with your Wealth

And His reminders did not stop there.

He continued.

Proverbs 3:9-10

Honor the Lord with your wealth,

    with the firstfruits of all your crops;

then your barns will be filled to overflowing,

    and your vats will brim over with new wine.

He reminded me that when I already get His blessings, I must not forget Him. Yes, most of us, when we acquire the blessings, forget the Blesser. Remember what happened to the Israelites? After God miraculously provided them food to eat and water to drink in the desert, they forgot God and then turn their heads to their lifeless idols. Sad but true.

This is also a reinforcement of what He told in Proverbs 3:6, acknowledging Him in ALL my ways, even after the blessings have been given – honoring Him with the firstfruits of all my “crops”.

This is the essence of tithing.

***

Lord, thank you for Your everlasting blessings. Lord, oftentimes we forget to give thanks to you after we receive the blessings Lord. Forgive us Father and help us to give you honor and praise not only when we need you, but most especially during and after the time of Your help.  We love you our Father Almighty.

*** 

With All my Heart

Okay, I was not okay, earlier today.

Yesterday, I received the job offer from Company X, which happened to be lower than what I expected – both the salary and the benefits.

Today, I had two interviews. The first one interview, with Company Y, went well but it offered me a job that is a bit not what I am looking for right now. The second one with Company Z, offered me the perfect job but I am not satisfied with the way I handled the interview.

And on my way home, my spirit was so down and really, I was so depressed.

I was repeatedly saying this in my mind – ikaw na bahala Lord! (It’s now up to you Lord!)  

And then, there He went again – amazing me for the nth time.

As I opened my bible to do my QT, here is what I found.

(FYI, this is not random. This is really my assigned verse for tonight)

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,    and he will make your paths straight.

And my thoughts went deeper.

This verse is very similar to Mathew 6:33 which I just quoted from my last blog.

Notice that our part (“Trust in the Lord with all your heart”, “In all your ways acknowledge him” and “Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness”) comes first before His part (“and He will make your paths straight” and “and all these things will be given to you as well”).

Not that God wants us to do our part just to gain His blessings.

But what these verses mean is as we do our part in the right way (with all our hearts) we will no longer mind the second part, which is His blessing.

Or in the case of Mathew 6:33, when we found His kingdom and His righteousness, we will no longer ask for any other blessings (because these alone are the most precious blessings of all).

So what God is telling me are two main things: 

1. Trust Him with all my heart [with confidence (Hebrews 4:16), unswervingly (Hebrews 10:23), without doubt (James 1:6)] that everything is according to His sovereign plan and that He is in control of the situation. And, 

2. Don’t forget to acknowledge Him in all my ways (ALL = 100%, especially during interviews and during the recruitment process, it must always acknowledge Him).

Just do these two things and He will take care of the rest.

And seriously, immersing myself in the thought of these things, I forgot all my worries and sadness, at an instant. (Great is His comforting power!)

***

Haay. Thank You God for just being there with me. You are truly an awesome God, who guides Your people to what is right and according to Your will. Help me Lord to trust in You with all my heart, with full of confidence and without any doubt. Remind me Lord to acknowledge You in all of the things that I do, from the smallest things to the greatest. Lord, You are my everything. I love you God.  

***

Job Temptations

“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

- Luke 16:13

My son, if sinful men entice you, do not give in to them.

- Proverbs 1:10

This is one of the guides I think God is teaching me during this job-hunting period of my life – DO NOT GIVE IN TO TEMPTATIONS FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE.

Honestly, these are my considerations in choosing among my applications:

1. Salary – should be high

2. Car – should have a car and gas allowance

3. Somebody I know within the company – so someone will guide me and accompany me during Lunch

4. Ease of work – of course! Who wants hardships?

5. Multinational company – prestigious!

And all these are pointing to my advantage (convenience), not His.

All these glorify not His name, but mine.

Honestly I am easily tempted by these things thinking that I deserve all these. I’ve been in the industry for five years! And I have an international experience. So I think it’s just time for me to have these things.

But I almost forgot that I have a mission to accomplish. I forgot that God is using me on His purpose. I forgot that my life is not mine anymore but His.    

According to Mathew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.”

God is warning me from looking at things from my perspective. He is reminding me that He has plans for me, “plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11) and that I need to seek His plans first and aligning myself according to these plans, and then all these things will be given to me.

* * *

Forgive me Lord on having these criteria that will glorify myself, instead of You Lord. Now I am ready to listen to you oh Lord. Direct me Lord to the direction according to your will. During those times that I don’t hear your voice Lord or I intentionally ignore it, please please please, you are very welcome to slap my head and tell me, “Oi, wrong direction Noel”.  Thank you Lord. 

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