Desire Evolution

Have you ever asked yourself what was God thinking when He was creating you? What was the picture of YOU in His Mind during that time? a.k.a. “what is your purpose in life”?

I am sure everyone does.

This is an excerpt from the book I’m reading now, which inspired me to write this blog.

If you know what something is designed to do, then you know its purpose in life. A retriever loves the water; a lion loves the hunt; a hawk loves to soar. It’s what they’re made for. Desire reveals design, and design reveals destiny.

Yesterday, I found a perfect opportunity to think about this while waiting for an interview in Makati. I took out my pad and pen and started listing down all the desires of my heart since the earliest time I could remember.

(My earliest desires are very important, because these are the purest desires from my heart, without any limitations)

I arranged the desires in chronological order, the most accurate way I could do.

A Teacher. Yes, my very first desire (that I could remember) was to be a teacher. This was during my elementary days. I even made Lesson Plans in my head. Most of the time when I was in bed, waiting to fall asleep, I imagined myself in front of a class, doing the lesson that I previously planned. However, my mother had established to me implicitly that teachers don’t really earn good. So I crossed this out from my options. But then, nothing can stop me from imagining at night. 

Architect. With my Mongol pencil, ruler and bond papers, I did a lot of building designs before. Aside from the entirely new designs, I also redesigned our house and my schools which include the externals and the floor plan! From the smallest detail to the biggest. Recalling those designs, I couldn’t believe I was that amazed and devoted to building designs. I even searched images of buildings from our Encyclopedia before.

Photographer. I also imagined myself being a photographer before. Not the technical photography that I know now. But just the fact of going around and taking pictures, it excited me back then. I even had a poem for it.

Musical play. Neither a straight play nor a musical show in a theatrical setting. I want a Musical Play. My first ever musical play I’ve seen was entitled “Alikabok”. It was not as famous but it ignited this desire in my heart on this kind of shows. Ever since, it was my dream to join one, even as a Taongbayan (or just part of the chorus).

Song writing. During my high school years, I’ve written lots of poems and some songs. These usually happened when there was a burst of emotions, say when I was in love, or I was super depressed. However I was not able to keep them. And right now, I don’t think I can still write.   

Science. Yes, I was best in Science back in High School. I think, what I liked about science was the analysis involved. Even up to now, I love analyzing things within the sphere of my interests. One afternoon, I saw myself scrutinizing our can opener just to understand how it works. Another thing about science was that the analysis made sense to me. I mean, I appreciate every lesson because I could see it in my surroundings. I am a visual person. I need to visualize it in my mind to comprehend it. That is why, I could easily understand mathematical equations in a scientific setting. 

Events Management. During high school, I was involved in some school events. The most memorable one was the Filipino Month Celebration on August during my senior year. My love for events continued in college years. I was able to do a Quiz Bee and our college sports festival. I was very particular up to the smallest details when it comes to events (for other things, no). I want them to be perfect, to the point that I didn’t delegate tasks to committees. I wanted to do everything by myself. But of course now, now that I am working (which by the way, is related to events), it is impossible not to delegate tasks. I also love attending events and watching out for things for improvement and how to improve it. I love redoing the event in my mind (If I will take charge, how will it be?).

Photography. My love for photography continues up to now. Although now, instead of loving the fact of me just taking photographs of everything, my desire has zoomed in capturing emotions. I want to take images of people with genuine emotions on their face. I am not sure if I’m doing it excellently because I still don’t know the technicalities of photography. But I love it.

Teaching. Who would have thought that my desire for teaching is still here in my heart? Yes. I still desire to teach, but now, it is not necessarily a teacher or in an academic setting. I love teaching, whatever, whenever, wherever. I enjoyed our UPCAT Review in one of my college orgs. I felt so satisfied when I worked as a tutor as a sideline. I enjoyed coaching a colleague. I enjoyed leading our Life Group back in Vietnam (I still have no Life Group now). I enjoyed my One2One with Phuc. And imagine the pleasure I got when I was able to talk twice to E-club.

Learning. Aside from teaching, I also want to be taught. According to Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath, I have a strong “Learner” talent. According to this, I am always drawn to the process of learning, but the topic depends on my interests. The process, more than the content or the result, is especially exciting for me. I am energized by the steady and deliberate journey from ignorance to competence. And true enough, I do. I love experiencing and learning new things. For example right now, I want to learn Muai Thai. I don’t really want to fight in a ring, nor use it as a defense mechanism, I actually don’t know why I would like to learn it, but the process of learning it, it makes me craves for it.

Travels and Adventures. I think linked to my desire to learn is this desire to discover. Discovering places. Immersing to different cultures. If I just have the luxury of money and time, I would be visiting places after places. Not like the regular tourists who spend just a week or less visiting the “tourist spots”. I want a deeper immersion of myself to the place, to the people and to the culture. The less “tourist” the experience is, the more I want it. The more exotic, the more I desire for it.    

I’ve notice that some of the desires I got when I was still a kid still persist here in my heart. And for some, a common denominator exists. Hmmm. But that’s for another round of meditation.